oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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