you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
