you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
