go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
