Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
time to smoke my breakfast
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
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