woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
