He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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