She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
