Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
