sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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