Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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