I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is Oprah even human
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
