So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
