i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
