I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
