She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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