ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
