we're chasing vodka with high fives
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
