i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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