Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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