omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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