So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
