My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
