I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
