dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
