in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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