I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
