can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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