spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
