my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
