Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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