sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As shirtless as possible
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
