with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Duck Duck Cougar?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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