My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
