barbara walters just said penis...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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