So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
