im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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