I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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