In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
