he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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