i love accidental penises.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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