The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
