i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there's paper in my vomit.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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