Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
