we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
