I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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