I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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