Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
