End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she told me i tasted like america
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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