wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
