Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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