How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, beer. Big fan.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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