Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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